This is going to be one hell of a posting for this time, because there is a Thursday from last week, and then my four last days at Clinton, then I’d like to wrap up my experience here with some closing thoughts.

Thursday the 9th, I worked on my action research project for my class by using the QW today: “Recall a time when you were in a play or had to give a speech in front of the class. How did you feel? What happened?” I got some interesting responses to interweave in with my research, and I was pleased with the results in all of the classes. I chose the quote of the day today, and it was “The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” Robert Byrne, writer. Teacher told me today that four or more teachers are being asked to leave CMS next year due to the reconstitution, and several others are being asked to reapply. It is so scary to think about how the jobs are being contingent on these test scores. I’m really frightened and disturbed by this, and I had always know it was a problem, I had just never seen it up close before. I should probably research schools and their report cards before I go and get a job, huh?

Period 1 had seventeen students today. We went through the play “Wingin’ It” about teens waiting to get enough nice comments to sent them into heaven. I was kind of in charge today, and I started calling on student to come up and read. Well, Elaine pulled me outside and reminded me that this class has a high incidence of special education students, an we never make them get up and read in front of the class if they aren’t comfortable. I felt awful! But you know, I didn’t know that, and I didn’t think of it, and now I’ll probably never forget again. Then they worked on a worksheet that had them drawing set designs for the play and writing a sentence to tell where their setting is. They are going to color them in later and we will hang them in the hallway as an example of the work that is being done in this class.

Period 2 had 14 students today and we went to the auditorium to teach them the stage positions (center, stage right, up and down stage) and the body positions (1/4, profile, full front or back, and ¾). They did very well and were able to quickly come up on the stage and move in the places we directed them.

During period three, we went off to the stage to let the students rehearse, but we had to come back because there was a class already in there. I am impressed with how much both the felony speech and the Politician scene have improved over the time. The QW were great today as well. Only one student refused to do one, and everyone’s are looking much better. Better grammar, better punctuation, and more creative and longer response. Something that I noticed today was that a quiet boy in the class has the word ZERO carved into in his arm. There are a few other boys in the school in his gang of friends that do too. They are picking the scabs so that it will scar. He tells me it’s a skateboarding company. Why would a student do this? He can’t really think it’s cool. Is it to prove his masculinity and his pain tolerance to his friends? This group of students has given me so many problems in the lunch hour. They are all too cool for school, in their opinion, and have little respect for authority.

Period 4 had 26 students today. It was off to a really rocky start. I don’t know what to do about this class. Most of the students just don’t seem to even care if they are getting Fs or if they are even following any rules. There were ten people with gum today, and one student became very upset that a new rule was introduced: anyone who moves up out of their seat without permission has an automatic lunch detention. I find that during this class, I learn so much more by just sitting back and observing. The students do NOT respond well to me, and I don’t want to be an impediment to learning. She is WAY more mobile during this period than in any other period, getting up and moving throughout the students to quell misbehavior through proximity. I wonder about assessing this class. Should we celebrate the very small steps? RJ in the back never writes a QW, but today he wrote one sentence. Now, quick writes have to be three sentences, and he barely even spelled one work right in his sentence. There was no capitalization and no punctuation. Should I celebrate the fact that he tried? Absolutely. But should I reward him with a check? I feel uncomfortable about that. I think all students should be held to the same expectations, and those expectations should be high. In this class though, I see my expectations lowering, and I feel so yucky about that. Why does this happen and what can I do about it?

We have another student in this class, a young girl, who has pages and pages and pages of her own writing, covered in front and back. However, she will NOT write three sentences for the QW, and the teacher tells me that she is suicidal. If she doesn’t show up to class, it has to be reported immediately. Why is such a young girl trying to end her life? What is going on in the world that makes this happen?

You know, as I sit in the back and observe this class, I have such a fondness for them. They make me really angry, but I have such a fond feeling for them. Is this what it’s like to have kids when they make you mad?

In the sixth grade classes today, I didn’t write anything down and I can’t remember what we did. Maybe just improv? All I know is that the kids are being drilled about THE TEST THE TEST THE TEST. There is such a culture of fear surrounding this test at this school, and the students don’t seem particularly swept up in it.

Monday this week was interesting as well. I am about brain dead because of all the freaking finals that I have to do. I feel like the world is about to end, and I am SO tired. I really wanted to spend this day with the students though, and the extra hours aren’t hurting, even though I know I am fine on hours. I have almost 200 for the past two quarters. I think I will end up with 193 at the end of this week, and we were only required to have 150 minimum.

Monday QW: What is the best thing that happened to you yesterday? Describe it.

Quote: You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. –John Lennon

Fun fact: Not a single student knew that this quote was from a song, and only a few even knew who John Lennon was.
Period one had 13 students today. They finished up their set designs from Thursday and then worked on a paper entitled “And then….” The paper started off with the first thing that happened was…and then…and then… The students had to fill it in for the story that they had been reading with the teacher, Snake. This was for the students to assess their plot recall and their ability to write complete sentences.

Period 2 (12 students) did the same thing today. They had to finish reading “Wingin’ It” and working on their designs. Two of the students in this class and that always are smiling and volunteering for everything both sat solitary and silent today, with sulky manners. I wonder what’s going on with them. They didn’t volunteer even once, and this was very unusual.

Once again I am struck at how the students work in complete silence, even when they could benefit from peer conversation. My teacher keeps telling me that urban kids thrive on chaos and need to have every minute planned, but I might disagree. If I went to school here, I think I’d go nuts just sitting quietly every day. They are NOT allowed to even work on other things. Do these kids get a lot of homework in other classes? They get minimal homework in this class.

Period three had 24 students today. Very few students did a QW today. There were record absences at CMS today. 61 students were absent. They went to the auditorium to rehearse, and their behavior was very good today. They got a candy bar for their good behavior. Everyone seems to be dragging today because of the time change. I know that I am.

Period 4 had 19 students today. Many that were missing were in intervention (or ISS). One student was late and did not have a pass, so she sent him back to the teacher to get one. I wonder, does this make the problem worse? I mean, he’s already missing class, and then he misses more class to go and get the pass, and then he missed even more class because when he came back again without a pass, he told the teacher to shut up and was thrown out of class. This class is so hard for me to sit through. They can’t behave, so they never do ANYTHING fun, and because they are never engaged, they can’t behave. It’s such a bad cycle. The teacher told me after class that she thinks that this is one of her worst classes in twenty years.

Two things bothered me today during this class. The first is the way the eighth grade girls dress. They are so fashion conscious and dress for the boys. It is ridiculous, in my opinion. I would never let my girls out of the house dressed like some of these girls. Too much attention on the tight jeans. These girls are dressing for boys. The other thing is that the teacher proposed an improv about devil worshipers and witches today, and I was really uncomfortable about it. There are some legitimate Wiccans out there, maybe not here, and I think that this perpetuated a stereotype that really pisses me off.

Sixth grade classes today had 10 and 13 students, respectively. Both classes read through a radio play and made sound effects. There is some real talent in that seventh period class, and real creativity. I wish they could behave more often so that we could do fun stuff and drama and less worksheets. I want to find an actual radio play for them to hear or see…maybe there is a scene in a movie that represents, like Radioland Murders, which I own. I’ll see if I can bring it in…maybe that will be what I teach on Thursday, my last day. The students are also rehearsing for a poem about success on the test. It will be performed at the pep rally for success in April right before the testing starts.

I noticed today that whenever this teacher calls on someone who has not volunteered to perform for the class, she lets them pick which character in the improv to be. I like this.

Tuesday was another tired day, but it is GORGEOUS outside. Seriously, I think they should cancel school when it is this nice outside. All of the students are ignoring anything but the weather anyway. Even the “good” kids were acting out today.

QW: Invent the best dessert in the whole world.

The first two hours were testing practice. Each student went to their eighth period classes to participate in testing practice and study. This will happen every Tuesday and Thursday until the test all over the district. Let me count the ways that this sucks. The students sit in their classrooms, and silently work through the practice book. It sucks.

Something happened today that kind of upset me. A student came down in the hall before school started, to ask a teacher a question, and he got in trouble for being in the hall when he wasn’t supposed to be. The verbal whipping that he took was unbelievable for such a small infraction. It was almost like the army, I kid you not, and it’s the not the first time I have seen something like this happen. I wonder about such harsh discipline. I found out afterwards that this kid is in trouble all the time, and I’m not sure if this makes a difference in the way I see it. Even some of the kids who are basically behaving most of the time get actually yelled at whenever they do something slightly wrong. In a lot of ways, I feel like these teachers at CMS demand respect without actually giving any. I’m just not sure if that’s the way I would do it, but if I was a teacher here, and I didn’t act that way, would I have more problems with the students or less? Would they just eat me up and walk all over me? I just don’t have any other way to compare it, and I imagine I would act much the same way as these teachers in this situation. I’d like to think that I wouldn’t, but I just don’t know.

Third period, I took some girls out into the hallway to practice their scripts, and it went pretty well. I’m getting better at directing without giving line readings, which is something that I’m practicing. These two girls are a lot of fun, and I enjoy my third period time with them. I can really see the improvement from the first time I worked with them, and that’s really gratifying.

Today was a quieter fourth period. There were only 20 students today, and at least 4 were in intervention, which again is like an in-school suspension. They just reinstated it, I think, and now it’s being used to the max. Many kids are out of the classes because of it. Here are my thoughts while observing this class. What would happen if we only checked a few quick writes every day, randomly? Would it increase or decrease the amount of participation? This class NEEDS more social interaction. They are begging for it, and some group work might actually help them focus, in my lowly opinion. Once again, I don’t want to assume that I know better, because I don’t. It’s actually a lot easier to PLAN behavior management than it is to ENACT it. That is one thing that I am discovering throughout my observations, and am struggling with in my own teaching.

After lunch today I only sat in on the first half of period 7, which was actually the first period seventh graders because of the testing this morning. I had to leave early and go and pick up Paul from work because he’s getting some overtime, and his bosses are letting him go early because of it. During this class, I played the Lennon CD I had brought in so that they could listen to Imagine. They didn’t really like it, but some of the kids said that it had a good message. I talked to them about my favorite song right now with a message: Jesus Walks. I’m not big on the whole Jesus thing, but I think that song is really uplifting and it makes me feel hopeful for the world. I encouraged the students to think about songs that did that for them. The rest of the period they listened to other music and just did their work with the windows open. I think that was maybe the best way to end the day.

Wednesday QUICK WRITE: If you could be related to one famous person, who would it be and why?

Quote: You must be the change you want to see in the world. –Gandhi

During the morning, the teacher told me that her cell phone had been stolen and she had spent the morning getting it turned off. One of the kids took it yesterday. Honestly, I can’t even imagine how that works. Another kid came up and told on him after class. This is a kid that is in constant trouble. A seventh grader, who is stealing from teachers. I have such a sadness about that. They got in his locker and found her cell phone and another teacher’s as well. Sigh. Jennifer, you can’t save all the kids, you can’t save all the kids, you can’t save all the kids….

Today I taught. I planned an “Emotion Party” lesson, so that the kids could start thinking of their portrayal of different emotions. I made a list of emotions on the board, which grew as the day went on and the kids added emotions to the pot. I explained to the class that we were going to do something very fun, and if they thought it was lame, they should let me know, that it wouldn’t hurt my feelings. I also told them that there were two parts to the activity, a performing part and a creating on paper part, but that if they didn’t want to get up and perform, they didn’t have to. Anyone who did not perform was expected to work hard on the paper part, because I expected everyone to participate one way or another. I didn’t want to make the students get up in front of each other today if they didn’t want to.

First period (16 students) went really well. Every single student in the class volunteered, and some of the products that they had were amazing. Their behavior was really good, and I’m pretty sure I had 100% engagement. None of the students thought it was dumb. In fact, I even impressed my little resident naysayer. I was extremely pleased about that. The activity kind of came to its own conclusion in this period, and so we moved on to the costume activity. I designed a worksheet with a large box on it. The kids were supposed to design a costume piece for one of the emotions and write a few complete sentences underneath to describe and defend their choices. The kids were pretty excited about this, and I let them talk to each other as long as they were talking about the work. They didn’t really take advantage of this; everyone just sat quietly. But they were already asking when they could do it again.

During second period (15 students), everyone seemed to be in a bad mood. I had a lot of talking out and misbehavior during this period. I had this very cool T&L moment when I realized I could change my behavior management style to reflect what was happening in this class, and once I did, it was much better. I should have thought of it earlier in the period, but the fact that I thought of it at all was a real improvement for me ☺ I am kind of proud of that moment. They thought the activity was cool too, but I had less engagement than in first period. These students didn’t fully participate, but those that did had lots of fun.

After the activity in the first two periods, I was really able to reflect on what I had learned while I supervised rehearsing students during third period. I took them into the hallway so the class could do some improv. They are really getting restless with watching the students who are in the play rehearse all the time, and I wanted them to have some space to act today. I’m really glad I did that, because the class had a blast and they really were engaged today. In my own teaching today, I really tried to incorporate specific praise moments, and I think I was successful in that regard. I also gave the students the time and space to stop, rewind, and try again. This was hard for me, because I had to give up getting as many scenarios up as possible. However, I was very conscious of trying to guide the students through the process, and that felt good.

There were some other things that I could have done to make this activity more successful. I should have adapted my management much earlier in second period to reflect the different class. I also wish that I had taken the time at some point before this to talk to them about good audience behavior and how to be a classroom audience. I was very conscious of this missing ingredient during the whole time I was teaching, and I know that I need to incorporate it the next time. Hopefully I’ll get a chance to do that at DSHS, but I’m sure at this late in the year, the new teacher will have already done that. I am getting very nervous about the student teaching. It’s so hard to plan and produce lessons, and hopefully I will be successful when I am doing it every day.

Something happened during third period that really disturbed me. One of the boys in the hallways was telling another girl that she should have sex with her boyfriend. Now, I wasn’t sure what was going on in the conversation, so I listened a while without saying anything until I figured out what they were talking about. He was saying that she should do it, and she was telling him no, that it was a sin. When I finally figured out what they were talking about, I stepped in and asked him, “Is she your girlfriend?” They both vehemently said no, and so I said to him, “It’s not really any of your business then, is it?” He said, “Well (this kid’s) by friend and I’m just trying to help him out.” This girl is 13 years old. I’m glad she’s saying no, but if he boyfriend is already pressuring her, I wonder how long she will be able to hold out. It’s a long time to the end of her life, and I hope that she doesn’t try to reach for it too fast. Of course, there’s nothing that I can do except instill a sense of self-confidence in her TODAY and TOMORROW, the only two days that I have left. And then I’ll have to let it go. I can’t save everyone. I can’t save everyone. This is a very hard lesson to learn, and I have to remind myself again and again of the kids who have opened up to me, just to gain my approval. The kids who never speak in class unless I have been teaching. I have to force myself to remember that instead of dwelling.

During fourth period today, we only had 20 students. I wondered about the lack of respect for authority again today. There are several students in this school, and in our classes, who don’t even have a little healthy fear of what will happen to them if they get expelled, get suspended, tell a teacher to “F- off!”, or just refuse to work. Why don’t these students care? How can you reach someone who refuses to listen? I guess when you’re a teacher, you just keep trying. Sigh again.

They did do a fun improv today. They had to be a teacher in the school pretending to throw a kid out of class, and the class had to guess which teacher they were being. It was minorly problematic in terms of the respect issue already (okay, maybe majorly problematic) but the kids loved it (of course).

In the sixth grade classes today, the lessons went much the same way as at the beginning of the day, but we didn’t work on the costume sheets at all. The kids all wanted to participate again and again and again, so I figured because I will have them tomorrow, we can finish up and work on the sheets then.

I had a much better management style today with the sixth period classes. I only had to remind students once to do the right thing, or tell them they could handle it, and that was that. I was pretty proud of them. They came up with some great emotions and they were very creative. We stopped and started a lot. I taught them “FREEZE” and “UNFREEZE” in order to make sure that we all had a word that would stop and start the improvs. What I LOVED about the sixth grade students is that I was able to remind them of all the things that the seventh graders didn’t do because I hadn’t reminded them, and I can see how the classes are better when I know how to guide them. Everyone needs practice, and I guess I do, too!

Thursday: QW: If you could wake up anywhere in the world tomorrow, where would you wake up and why?

Quote: “I regard the theatre as the greatest as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it means to be a human being.” -Oscar Wilde, playwright

Thursday, my last day, got off to a late start, because Paul and I overslept for the first time since we moved to Columbus! I wasn’t really late, I was still there by the time the bell rang, but I really wanted to stop and get the kids some candy because it was my last day, so I took the time to do that. Because of testing this morning, I only get eighth graders and sixth graders on this, my last day. I sat while the kids quietly went through their buckle down books. I’m actually very glad that the OGTs are over by the time I get to Dublin. I would NOT want to be a part of all that mess until I absolutely have to.

Third period started with the quick write. These kids are in a really good mood today even though they just finished the evil testing. Is this a direct result of the fact that they got to act yesterday? One kid got a lunch detention for chewing gum today and I know he didn’t have gum. And his behavior just denigrated from there. It was awful. I don’t want kids to be able to pull the wool over my eyes, but I really want to make sure that the innocent remain so. I have seen it happen many times, both in my own schooling and now in my placements.

The class took time today to talk about testing and how important it is. I think the conversation got shortened unnecessarily. The students seemed to be really involved in the conversation and it seemed like they really appreciated the space to vent their thoughts and questions and feeling about how important these tests are. I wish there were more dialogues happening where the students were given space to at least comment on the things that are very important to their lives. It was a nice conversation before it was ended. But then the students got to do improv and they were really excited about it. They did an improv where the students acted like certain teachers in the building, but they weren’t allowed to make fun of the teachers. I thought that is was really interesting. This class has a problem with turning each improv into making fun of others’ clothes, shoes, color, whatever. They were allowed to do this improv scenario with the express agreement that they didn’t mock the teachers. It was good, and the students really put it into their bodies and voices when they were pretending. Then they did improv for the rest of the period.

Fourth period was acting crazy today. I think that if I have a class like this again, and they get candy, I’ll wait until the end to pass it out. A lot of the kids from intervention are back, at least three that I remember. No, four, I just counted. I wonder how long they’ll last. It’s sad that I feel that way, but I just can’t see anything changing right away with the climate staying the same. I wish that the school administrators would realize that whatever they’re doing to rehabilitate repeat student offenders isn’t working, and it’s time to start trying something new. Today we’re trying to implement three strikes and you’re out policy. I hope that this might improve something, but I still think that the students don’t really care about drama, and that’s a problem. Maybe we should have talked to these students about the test, too. I just want to hear their voices, you know? I want to hear what they have to say about life. Drama is really all about life, you know? And for these kids to understand drama, we have to give them space to talk about and understand life. There should be space to talk at the beginning of this class, to share life experiences and other curiosities. Today is the first time I really feel like I know where I could go with this class, and that’s good. However, a girl got in trouble today for doing her math homework for the third day in a row. The teacher took it and is going to return it to the math teacher. Is this the best way to handle this? Now she’s going to get in trouble in math as well, for not having her homework done, and why is this happening? How can I combat this in my own class? Just making it engaging enough that they don’t WANT to do other work in the class?

One of my students for the second time played a parent in an improv and said he was going to go and get his belt. This is scary for me. I can imagine why that is what he associates with dad. I don’t like this at all. You can’t save all the kids, Jennifer. You can’t save all the kids.

After lunch with the sixth graders, we worked on our costume worksheets. I really like the idea of giving them space to learn design skills. I wish I had more time and I could really involve the students in some sort of design/production skills. I have so many ideas for lessons and things.

After everything this quarter, I really don’t think that I’ll ever be able to work in an urban school. It broke my heart a little every day to be at CMS. I can’t save the kids, and it kills me. I really can’t focus on that day after day, I’d be so burnt out. My best friend’s mother teaches first and second graders in the Chicago Public School system. She does it because it is VERY hard for the first six months, but after she makes her breakthrough, it’s more rewarding than I could ever imagine. I don’t think I could spend six months trying to get through to the kids every year, although I know sometimes I will have classes like that. I don’t want my drama class to be a dumping ground for kids who can’t behave in study hall or kids who nobody else wants. I want them to BE in my class from the minute it starts. There comes a time in life when you have to start taking responsibility for your choices, and when you have to start making choices for your own health. I know it sounds like an excuse, or it should, at least, because that’s what it is, but I know I’m not made for that. I would be really unhappy in an urban school setting year after year of feeling like I haven’t made a dent in anything. We’ll see what it’s like at DSHS next quarter. Maybe I’ll love it. Maybe it won’t be as rewarding. We’ll see in a few weeks….